TW for sexual and emotional manipulation
I know I’m probably forgetting some things but I am too emotionally drained right now I just want to stop working on this
If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask and I don’t mind reblogs
i’m aware that buyo has already responded to much of this and claimed it is outright factually incorrect
but what gets me most about it is that even taken at face value, it doesn’t make a lot of sense
the story is basically: you and buyo floated the idea of a relationship, he visited, he was an airhead and didn’t interact with you a lot, you had sex with him in the hopes that he would like you, and then you felt really gross about it
i’ve been on both sides of this situation and well
how on earth does this make buyo abusive
he didn’t like lead you on, he didn’t plant the idea that having sex would win his affection, he didn’t guilt or gaslight or force or lure you. you make a good case that he was a bad boyfriend; okay, that sucks, good that you’re no longer with him and found someone who makes you happier.
the closest you come to explicitly blaming him for something is saying he was two years older than you. which honestly confused me when i first read it, because that’s an extremely common age difference (and legal in most places to boot) so it didn’t strike me as even worth mentioning
your story even adjusts course several times trying to make it look worse for you: you go out of your way to call buyo an “okay-at-best” friend but say you were excited at the prospect of a relationship; you said yes, then nervous yes, then not really yes but a nod; you say buyo was mostly worried about himself and back this up with screenshots showing buyo feeling really bad about screwing up his interactions with you because of his own hangups
i have to be very careful here, because i don’t want to endorse victim blaming
but this isn’t a case of “you brought this on yourself by doing something to encourage it”
rather, the story you tell sounds like “you are the person who literally did the thing you now regret”
you tried to substitute sex for emotional fulfillment, and you found out it sucks. how you feel isn’t invalid, but it’s not the fault of the person you had sex with for happening to be there. imo go see a therapist.
meanwhile, you’re violating the extremely sacred and delicate trust people have in stories of abuse. now the next person with a story to tell is at risk of coming under excessive scrutiny, which is not the kind of thing a victim needs to deal with. i don’t even like how much i’ve had to do here to point out how weak this post is.
PS: if you want to keep something private, posting it publicly on the internet is not a good way to go about it
I was gonna leave off my thoughts on this situation with what I’d already said but I feel like there are some really important points brought up here and things said better that I tried to say worth reading.
meanwhile, you’re violating the extremely sacred and delicate trust people have in stories of abuse. now the next person with a story to tell is at risk of coming under excessive scrutiny
THIS IS PARAMOUNT to what I’ve been talking about in regards to vindictive call out culture downplaying the legitimacy of abuse. Like stated above, I have not gotten on board with any of this to endorse victim blaming HOWEVER it seems that there was vengeful crusading on behalf of personal vendettas here and that is so many flavors of fucked up, shitty and not okay that I don’t even know where to BEGIN. Abuse is something to be taken VERY seriously for the sake of victims because instances like this where it is misused and wielded against someone who is innocent of being abusive affects how much people will scrutinize future cases. If you can’t see that then wow, just what the hell?
Again I feel it is important to distinguish the difference between scrutiny and blame. Most people have enough respect to not falsely accuse someone of abuse, most cases are legit. Scrutiny IS important though to ensure that those who in rare cases like this ARE innocent are not unjustly punished and branded because rape and abuse are INCREDIBLY serious things. Abusing the gravity of that seriousness and delicate trust is such a disrespectful and downright fucked up thing that I feel it speaks for itself and I shouldn’t even have to spell that out.
you tried to substitute sex for emotional fulfillment, and you found out it sucks. how you feel isn’t invalid, but it’s not the fault of the person you had sex with for happening to be there.
As far as this specific case goes, this is pretty much the best summation I’ve seen. Both sides were hurt, there is very real emotional stress BUT the way this was handled was so inappropriate that I just. SIGH.
Anyway, I’m gonna try to make this my last commentary of the situation, I think all that needs to be said has been said.
a back stabbing cunt? Eh, not really. That’s not what I’m particularly pissed about here but it certainly involves them. The problem is that they encouraged and full heartedly sided with someone who was eventually proven to be full of shit on the supposed merit of their faulty, weak call out post without first getting a word from the accused party, enabling them to implore others to slander that person because of an ideology that embraces the reckless disregard for skepticism and critical thought.
But yeah, it’s more than just nishi. its a popular mental midget mentality of accepting such accusations as indisputable FACT based entirely on one side of the story without first AT LEAST asking the other party (see: their friend in question) or remaining neutral until a rebuttal surfaces, then without said fact checking, deliberately enabling someone to go public knowing full well that the purpose for going public is for destroying reputation and for others to see and act on it by cutting that person out immediately and calling them scum to their face without them having a faint clue of what the fuck happened. Hiding behind saying they merely wanted to gently “warn others” through a public declaration is a rhetorical phrase to conceal the desire to manipulate public opinion at the heart of it. Nobody had the idea to ask buyo before deciding to be a fairweather friend and buyo was left in the dark while people all around him started mysteriously blocking and cutting him out.
Further more, there are people who STILL insist on buyo apologizing for what they did though buyo has PROOF that he had made sure everything was consensual and had apologized and expressed deep concern about it as early as the day after the situation, making repeated attempts in the time since to reach out.
People are so desperate to fight the righteous battle and be one of the good guys that they will instantly choose sides and act on HUGELY sensitive issues like this without the proper context. It’s all so masturbatory and those who are the most passionate and outspoken become the arbitrator to those with blinders on around them. It’s abuse of empathy and it’s particularly of interest to see how people who do this go to great lengths to absolve themselves of responsibility in the face of their own ignorance and gross error. It’s immaturity at best and blatant manipulation at it’s worst.
This. Also, being that I’m the one that started a lot of this with the initial callout post on Nishi, in the interest of fairness and transparency it’s important to share that I have actually talked to Nishi since posting that and they agreed to having anger issues and expressed gratitude to me for bring it to their attention. Admittedly despite denouncing reactionary behavior I did allow my own anger and biases to seep into what I wrote however I won’t apologize for taking a stance on the tumblr call out mentality and this “ideology that embraces the reckless disregard for skepticism and critical thought” (well put).
In regards to the Ryx and Buyo situation (which I had cited merely as an example of Nishi’s behavior fostering such ideology and did not mention to make the focus of my post), Nishi has since expressed regret in getting involved and has gone so far as to be concerned that Ryx may have abused knowing how they would react as a catalyst to start a crusade against Buyo. Nishi maintains the stance that both parties owe each other an apology and while I don’t believe Buyo is at fault for his reaction, while inflammatory, to defend himself, I think it’s fair that the blame isn’t being completely placed upon Buyo.
I think this awareness is important in hopefully leading to less of these ridiculous witch hunts based upon presupposed evidence and rumor rather than fact and refuting or even ignoring evidence that contradicts the assumed notions initially brought up to stir people into a mob against someone. I’m really hoping we’ll see as much walk as talk result from this as my goal with all of this was to bring Nishi’s destructive behavior both to their attention and to those who interact with them in the interest of personal growth and change, and to remind people how crucial it is to think critically before getting involved with such charged situations and even seemingly mundane conversation.
"well, buyo nye" said ryx ham "you see, there’s these skype calls that explain just that! they’re completely fictional but you’ll just have to trust me on that since I don’t have any actual evidence"
anyway with all that shit out of the way, here’s a picture of Summer by Alphonse Mucha
I just got two books of his works in the mail today that I’m gonna reference for some nouveau work and I’m hype!!!
SO today ryx posted up a callout post in an attempt to frame me as a sexual and emotional abuser. But after reading it, it turns out that almost everything he’s saying is either completely false or only part of the truth with conveneint details left out to make the…
I’m so spent on call out posts, despite the nishi one, I don’t like them at all but this is important and if you’re curious what I meant when I referenced the “ryx debacle” then here’s the counter to that.
goodness a person being accused of something denies it
It’s the best course of action at my disposal given the circumstances, they certainly aren’t in the headspace to listen to reason or criticism, especially from a stranger. I see what I posted as more of a warning to other people than a “hey just so you know your behavior isn’t healthy hope u feel and act better” post for Nishi. If they see things and actually REALLY THINK about the shit they’re doing and better themself then cool, I don’t see it happening but that’d be great! I did this knowing full well that I won’t be the one to give them some epiphany to treat people and themself better. My goal was to make people aware of the dangers of having a complacent mindset towards someone so unstable and manipulative (online presences in general), illustrate the need for people to take what they hear from reactionary individuals with a grain of salt and MAYBE get a few people to abandon Nishi’s hate horde so the next time they try to lead an attention crusade against someone for their own self-fulfillment, there will be less people at their command.
Yup. Most can assume as much I think. A follow up to all of this is despite the acrimonious tone I’ve taken I don’t actually wish death or anything ridiculous like that upon them. I’m sure they have plenty of redeeming qualities but that doesn’t excuse everything I’ve talked about, these are things that need said.
A lot of people have been sending me asks thanking me for posting it and I’m happy to help the situation if it does so but honestly it gives me the vibe that no one has touched the subject with a straightforward stance like I have and it really freaks me out that it illustrates my point that no one is willing to do so for fear of being ousted as a rape apologist or victim blamer. This is a complete false dilemma, Nishi’s behavior against other people is independent of the situation with Renard and it’s ridiculous that you cannot address this behavior without it immediately leading to an accusation of rape apology or whatever horseshit fallacy they dream up to throw at you.
Keep in mind, yes, shit happened to them, they are a victim but misusing that status carte blanche to be a putrid asshole is sociopathic as fuck. It goes back to the criticism I made earlier of the “if you disagree with me, you’re oppressing me” mindset. shit is way dangerous and creates a seriously unhealthy, hostile environment.
while I’m on this train of thought I’d just like to point out that
"if you disagree with me, you are oppressing me"
is a remarkably sociopathic and neurotic bullshit thing to say